Final Women

What a fun ride! Kill River by Cameron Roubique is the perfect slasher, just in novel form. Seriously, someone should make a movie out of this! The book begins with Cyndi, a quiet, somewhat shy teenager, being shipped off to summer camp on a bus by her parents. She meets three other teenagers on the bus: bubbly, pretty Stacy, jock Brad, and cute joker, Zack. Upon reaching camp, Cyndi and Stacy quickly bond, and when her three new friends decide to run away from camp on a raft, Cyndi joins them. The four teenagers get lost and end up at an abandoned water park, where they begin to get picked off one by one. I really liked the characters here. Rather than typical, one dimensional slasher victims, all four teens were pretty well rounded. Even Brad, the least likable of the group, seemed human. He could seem spoiled or irresponsible, but he clearly truly cares about Zack and Stacey. Meanwhile, the friendship between the lonely Cyndi and popular Stacey was probably the heart of the book. T...

While its title may make it sound like a haunted house flick, 1969's Haunted House of Horror is more of a macabre whodunit than a straight up horror film. It concerns a group of friends (including Frankie Avalon!!) who visit a creepy abandoned house one night. While there, one of them is viciously stabbed to death. The group, some of whom have previously been in trouble with the police, cover up the crime. The guilt eats away at them, as they worry about which of them could be a psychopathic killer. While the central mystery is interesting, once our main red herring dies off, it becomes obvious who the killer must be. The journey to the big reveal is still a fun one, however, and besides, the main reason to watch HHoH is not so much the story as the fun visuals. For an old dark house styled horror film, HHoH is a very colorful movie. Swinging sixties London never looked so bright and vibrant, and the clothing, sets, and actors themselves really pop. The film's available in...

Ghosthouse is Umberto Lenzi's 1988 haunted house effort, and it's honestly pretty terrible. But I kinda dig it. In fact, I really dig it. Even though I know it's a turkey; it's my kind of turkey: bizarre, surreal, and bordering on incomprehensible. Plus it's got an evil clown doll. How could I not love it? The fact that I watched it back to back with Lucio Fulci's superb The House by the Cemetery did not do Ghosthouse any favors. The two films are set at the same creepy Massachusetts mansion (at least on the outside), so it made for a fitting double bill. However, while House by the Cemetery 's plot is possibly even more nonsensical than Ghosthouse 's, Fulci's film is in every other way superior. The acting is better; the colors are richer, and the mystery is overall more intriguing. Still they both share a surreal atmosphere and an anything goes attitude that otherwise makes them good companion films. Ghosthouse concerns a ham radio operator...

The Final Terror is a frustrating movie. Never quite sure if it wants to be a backwoods slasher or a more serious thriller, it ultimately fails on both points. However, there is something about it that saves it from being a complete failure. There is potential here that makes for interesting, if not entirely satisfactory, viewing. First,  Final Terror has a pretty strong cast. Featuring Joe Pantoliano, a longtime favorite around these parts, a young Daryl Hannah, and the perpetually underrated Rachel Ward (Night School), you would think that the characters and acting would be one of the movie's strongpoints. However, other than Pantoliano, the whole cast is underutilized. There are a lot of characters, but they aren't very well differentiated from each other. And since the kill count is low, a lot of them survive all the way to the end. No one is really given a chance to shine. I honestly had a lot of trouble keeping many of the characters straight in my mind, which unfor...

Tubi has tons of free movies and TV shows to choose from if you're still bored during quarantine. I've listed a few of my favorites here, but there are a ton of good ones available, so check it out. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Tobe Hooper's TCM is a classic. I'm guessing most horror fans worth their salt have seen it, or at least don't have to be sold on it by me. If you've missed out so far or are jonesing for another viewing, now's the perfect time, since it's currently free. Bait Kimble Rendall's sharks-in-a-supermarket film is played  straight and is surprisingly effective. A massive storm traps a group of people in a flooded supermarket, and there are sharks in the water, picking off those unlucky enough to fall below the surface. Our cast tries to figure out an escape plan while staying out of the water's reach. Bait is an intense thriller with impressive special effects and a solid cast that includes Julian McMahon ( Charmed , Mo...